Oh, July. With your billion degree temperatures, million percent humidity, and promise of school starting next month. You make me so nostalgic for the glory days of May. Way back when it wasn’t so hot and the kids were in school and we had some semblance of structure to our day.
I kind of hate you a little bit.
Attention: Complaint Department
I am SO OVER summer break! I know it happens about this time every year, yet every year I am surprised when it happens…
My patience jumped ship about a week ago and I have since turned into a wild-eyed, screaming idiot whenever something doesn’t go to plan. Like, for instance, a not-to-be-named 12 year-old spilling an entire Gatorade into my tennis shoe and all over the floor as we were on our way out the door to the dentist. Just an example.
Children’s television is asinine and I can’t take it anymore. Yet all they want to do is play XBox and watch TV until their eyeballs bleed.
I can’t handle that I pretty much let my kids eat whatever they can find because I have run out of ideas for what to make for lunch when they all want to eat…AGAIN. You want ramen for the fourth day in a row? Vegetables should only be eaten at dinnertime? Popcorn equals lunch? Whatevs, kiddos. You do you.
If they tell me they’re bored again, I’m gonna scream! Because somehow, there is NOTHING for them to do in our entire house. There is a complete and total lack of imagination, books, toys, games…you name it.
It’s too hot and/or stormy to go to the pool or the beach…AGAIN. Pretty much if it can’t be done outside by 11:00 a.m., you just really shouldn’t do it. You might actually melt into the sidewalk. Or get blown away or struck by lightning in some crazy pop-up storm.
Both girls are complaining that they don’t have anyone to play with…AGAIN. Regardless of the fact that I literally gave birth to a playmate for each one of them. And there are about 25 kids that live on our street.
The house has gone to pot. Messes abound every which way I look and it doesn’t matter how many times we clean up the clutter because within 5 minutes it’s all come creeping back.
It’s official. I’m allergic.
It is a time-tested and scientifically proven fact that I am allergic to summer. I mean, I guess it depends on how rigid your standards are for “scientifically proven,” but hear me out.
Headaches are my constant companion in the summertime. It seems like as soon as the heat index goes over 95, my body starts screaming STAY INSIDE IF YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOOD FOR YOU!
Here’s something else. Whenever I go outside for any length of time, my skin gets wet all over and I turn red! WHY? Why is that? It’s so totally annoying.
Also, for some unknown reason, I gain weight every summer. I’m pretty sure it’s a negative reaction to the humidity in the air or the distance to the sun or something like that. I mean, it couldn’t possibly be that my regular healthy eating and exercise habits got thrown out the window two weeks into break. Right? Right??!! That’s what I thought.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
Can I let you in on a little secret? I’m one of those moms who is just as happy for school to start in August as I am for it to let out in May. And here in my corner of the world, we are down to only 23 days until the glorious event! Woo-hoo!
In 23 days, the kids will go back to school and schedules and order will once again rule the day.
In 23 days, if my house is clean in the morning, it’s a good bet that it will still be clean in the afternoon.
In 23 days, I won’t be tempted by snacks every time the pantry or refrigerator door gets opened.
In 23 days, it’s still going to be hotter than snot…yeah, I don’t have a redeeming qualifier for that one.
In 23 days, I’ve got plans to meet some amazing mamas for a kid-free, celebratory lunch.
Sounds glorious, doesn’t it?!
But I’ll tell you another little secret. In about 33 days…I’ll be missing the carefree “lazy, hazy, crazy days of summer” again. Just don’t say I told ya so, OK?